If I Have My Way!

 | Wed 20 Nov 2013 09:35 ICT

James Austin Farrell, editor of CityNews, is dead. Well, not dead exactly, he’s gone off to the islands with his Christian yoga group to find himself, or something. And in his absence somebody, during what I can only assume was a mental fumble, decided to give me access to his computer. So here I sit, at the helm of the mighty vessel that is CityNews, and I’m thinking of making some changes. I haven’t sat in an office for years and it’s a bit of a shock to be surrounded by real live people who all appear to know what they are doing. I haven’t got the faintest idea what I am doing, which is exactly why I will attempt to appear proactive by implementing some changes. 
Firstly, a water-slide. All offices should have a water-slide. I bet Google has a water-slide. Secondly, a huge fish tank in reception with a naked man in it, recumbent in just a pair of Speedos. Nothing screams class like a man reclining in a fish tank in nothing but a thong. Thirdly, a Kabaddi team. CityNews should not only be known for the quality of its up-to-the-minute reports and the exquisite caliber of its content, it should also be known for having South East Asia’s premier Kabaddi team. I am sure we are all still smarting from Thailand’s defeat at the hands of Turkmenistan during the 2012 Kabaddi World Cup. Well not on my watch, soldier. Next year the CityNews Kabaddi team will be taking the fight to them.
And it’s not just changes to the working and social environment I intend to make. It’s all very well that people have a place to go for their news, events and social calendar, but don’t Chiang Maians deserve something more? Yes you do! And with this in mind I will be launching CityNews fish-watch. A video camera will be set up on the edge of the moat near Tha Pae Gate. This will provide a 24-hour live stream of what the fish are up to, straight to your computer. If you are extra vigilant you might see a duck.
I also want to get you, the CityNews reader more involved. To this end, if I have my way, we will soon be launching an exciting, and probably illegal, gambling element to the website. This will mean not insubstantial cash prizes to be won by those of you alert enough to correctly guess the number my tuk-tuk driver was thinking of, or bet precisely the time the 7:30 a.m. train from Bangkok will arrive in Chiang Mai, when the train is running again of course.
So, these are exciting times for CityNews. I hope that the changes being made will benefit you as much as they will us. I’m now off to oil up a large naked man and pop him in a fish tank.