|  January 28, 2010

Love, Sex, Marriage.

I would like to think that I am pretty well versed in all three topics of this month’s issue, but since any form of expertise in the first seems pretentiously guruish, excessive knowledge in the second will simply paint me scarlet (blush blush) and as I have just entered my seventh year of marriage, I would rather not jinx it with any smug-marriedness, so let’s look at all three.

What to say about love, sex and marriage? Well, most of us (dare I say all of us?) have experienced at least one of the three, so that is a nice commonality. How often indeed do we all have something in common? It’s quite a good feeling to know that we have at least those experiences. It always amazes me that with six billion of us on this blue planet, and with a huge chunk of that number professing to expectations of love, how hard it is to find, and of course stay happy with, that perfect someone. We are such a flawed species: we constantly cheat on each other, betray our vows, bully, nag, overshadow, neglect, suffocate, take advantage of and hurt those we love. Love, nor sex, not even marriage, offer sanctuaries from hurt and pain.

Yet, we are also a wonderfully idealistic and optimistic bunch. After thousands of years and millions of stories of hurt and heartache, we still expect and seek love, sex and partnership. We know it is there, and for most of us, we are willing to take risks to find it. And it is this leap we make in the name of hope which has added such joy to so many of our lives. That is a lovely thing, and something we should all pat ourselves on the back for.

Throughout history we have probably talked about love the most: books, poems and legends have pontificated on and dissected the subject. But while we talk of love, let’s face it; we think of sex a whole lot more. It is always there, elusive and fleeting feelings, or outright hormonal storms, sex is pretty much forefront and constant. But marriage…while the least talked about of the three, it surely is the hardest to succeed in.

Valentine’s Day may seem to be all about selling Hallmark cards and shameless commercialism. And it pretty much is these days. But love shouldn’t be about consumerism and cynical marketing; they give Valentine’s Day a bad name. To me, a quiet dinner with my husband, chatting about things which are important to us, dreaming of our future and giggling and reminiscing about our past, that is what makes this day special; like Christmas is not all about presents and turkeys, but about family and friends.

Valentine’s schmalentine’s, it may just be an excuse, but sometimes we all need a good one.

Happy loving.

Citylife this month:With so many Thai-foreign marriages in Chiang Mai, there are bound to be problems, so James Austin Farrell asks some councillors what major issues they are faced with in Until Death Do Us Part. Other love, sex and marriage issues covered include Hakan Jakob Kosar’s My Life as a Gik, Phil Daring’s Keys to Marital Bliss, Farrell’s Love in the Time of Kitty and my interview with Tom and Dot Delaney, a couple who remain in love after 56 years of marriage.

For those seeking romance, check out the Valentine’s Day specials and suggestions from Citylife in Love in the City and Love Beyond the City.