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How do you solve a problem like Maria?

In possible news, a woman has been released from police custody following an insincere 32 second apology to investigating officers.

Her arrest followed the unlawful claim of an estimated £50,000 from a briefly unguarded armoured vehicle thought to be delivering the funds to schools,  hospitals and other vital public services in the South East of England.

In a prepared statement the woman defended her actions, saying “I didn’t realise that I was doing anything wrong even though I accept that I wasn’t entitled to the money. I have paid back around £5,000 of the funds that I took and having apologised, would now like to draw a line under the matter. Can I ask that the press and public respect the privacy of my family and I following what has been a rather traumatic ordeal.”

However, it may not be that straightforward as the woman’s employers are thought to be under growing pressure to fire her from her prominent role which is understood to be linked to public service and as such the unlawful claim of funds may affect the respect of those that she represents.

Support has however come from a senior figure within her employer’s organisation, with an individual who wished to remain nameless commenting,  “This lady has become the victim of a witch hunt. She has done a very good job in a very difficult set of circumstances. There are a lot of people within our organisation who weren’t necessarily in support of what she has been trying to achieve and feel very bitter towards her.”

Whether the scandal affects this woman’s career and personal reputation long term, only time will tell.

But in the meantime she is thought to be planning to rub linseed oil into the rustic oak beams in the drawing room of her second home set in rolling countryside and thought to be worth around  £1.2m.